ugh.
2007-05-27 at 12:46 a.m.
Ever feel that the rut you're in is so deep that it's more like a pit you'll never get out of?
So our results came out today, and i guess i did pretty well, 3 A-s, an A and a B. Shakespeare, FP and Diplomacy, Soci, History and EU respectively. according to eeling, this sem's 'cap' is a 4.4, so i should really be over the moon. So, yes, it feels good—the work i've put in has paid of, and my cap's up, and this is what i've been working towards.
So why am i sitting here, feeling like crap?
I don't know. i feel so stifled and suffocated, and all i want to do is get out, get away. some days i feel as if i'm on the brink of insanity, edging closer and closer to a complete hair-tearing, shrill screaming, meltdown.
someone get me away from this.
distractions. distractions are good. scrolling through reels of microfilm every day is not such a bad thing after all. i need to get out, get away. i feel as if there's not enough air to breathe.
i just want to leave this all behind, and get my ass as far away from her as i possibly can. if they colonise the moon, i'll leave on the first rocket/spaceship. i just want to get away.
but i don't know if i ever can.
and i feel guilty for wanting to.
life right now, sucks.
i love and hate the weekend.
love it because i get to spend quality time with my kitchen and my dvds, hate it because i have to spend time in her presence. and i shouldn't even be feeling like this.
i want a drink. i want to go out and play/party. i want to lie on a deckchair, tipsy and happy, revel in the cold night air, hear the soft lapping of the water against the walls of the pool. i want to live my live the way i want to, not walk about feeling as if my existence annoys her, irritates her, mucks up her freaking life. i hate this.i can't wait for sem to start.